Love Stinks

“But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.”

“When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife.”

“The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.”

“A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.”

“You never really know a man until you have divorced him.”

“An open marriage is nature’s way of telling you that you need a divorce.”

“For some reason, we see divorce as a signal of failure, despite the fact that each of us has a right, and an obligation, to rectify any other mistake we make in life.”

“If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?”

“Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.”

“Just another of our many disagreements. He wants a no-fault divorce, whereas I would prefer to have the bastard crucified.”

“Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”